Mom Guilt...A Rite of Passage

Mommy guilt is a powerful thing. It comes in all shapes and sizes. The little guilts like giving your child that piece of cheese that just fell on the floor in the supermarket - but it was only the floor for like two seconds?! Then there's the medium size guilts. Like for example switching your childs bath soap causing two days of rash - and three calls to the doctors office asking if it is something you should worry about.

Then of course, the big guilts and the "mother load" guilts (no pun intended). Tonight is one of those nights. I worked lastnight so didn't see my boy all night (but was with him all day long) then worked all day today. I knew that I HAD to get home and get some sewing done tonight to finish up a Christmas present or I'd never get it done. So after taking an extra long, extra hot shower, I promptly was mauled by my toddler, and was stuck there for about 45 minutes. You'd think that after a day of working and the night before only having had about 3 true hours of sleep, 45 minutes of down time with the boy would be just what the doctor ordered. Oh no. I have things to do! I felt a bit like the rabbit in Alice in Wonderland with a pocket watch and being late for a very important date! Well, as I was finishing, the boy was really starting to fade and get very tired. So dad took him in his bedroom and rocked him to sleep. I finished up my project and opened the fridge to put away recently purchased fruit and noticed the floor of the fridge was a mess. So instead of saying to myself "I'll finish that tomorrow and go take over for dad so I can spend some time with my bug" I instead started cleaning the fridgerator floor. WHA?! I hoped Brighton would still be crying when I got done, but as I was walking into the hallway, I noticed the crying had stopped. I tip-toed to the door, slowly opened it up and my boy was fast asleep :( A wash of regret flowed over me and I felt that warm, heavy, yucky feeling of mommy guilt (did you think I was going to compare it to peeing my pants?). This was one of those opportunities where I could have chosen to spend a few precious minutes with my baby and instead I decided to clean the fridge. I could have rested tonight, with baby in arms. But instead I decided to finish up that project when I really could have done it on Sunday. Well, I'm washing my guilt away with a Leinenkugels Apple Spice lager which doesn't taste nearly as good as Brighton's freshly washed hair smells. Oh well. I have to work tomorrow for a little while (actually, I'm taking my rug rat dogs in tomorrow becuase they stink) but it will only be for a while. I'll make it up to him.