Imagine a group of moms wearing babies in slings and breastfeeding their happy babies. Hair a mess, no makeup, wearing the same clothes they wore yesterday. They're sitting around a untilitarian room in a circle looking desperate and exhausted, but with great love in their faces for their children. "Hi, my name is Marcy, and I'm a concerned parent." Everyone replies "Hi Marcy". The head mom softly and kindly says "Welcome, Marcy. We're glad you're here and we're glad that you have recognized that you have a problem."
WHAT?!
WHAT?!
My husband, Andrew calls me while on my way home and asks if I told my day care provider that I was taking Brighton elsewhere the week after next. "No, not yet...why?" (The following is my version, though it did happen, this is what I envisioned while my husband was telling me...) Well, my sweet, unsuspecting husband walked into a firestorm of anger from our provider. "Take your shoes off! Here are all of Brighton's things, I'm not doing part time day care anymore, I'm too old for this!" She packed up everything that we had brought for Brighton, food (that usually stays there), all of his toys etc. (Though, she conveniently forgot his diapers and a couple other things that are really handy to have at day care...) and hastily shoved them into my husband's arms, and out the door went my sweet, completely dumbfounded boys.
ROAR! Now Mom is pi$$ed. Not just upset, not just angry. I'm talking mama bear ticked off.
Before I go on...
Let me begin at the beginning. I'm a new mom, a fresh 5 or 6 months new. Bright has been with me, my mother in law, and one of my best friends. So I've sailed through the beginning to work and leaving my baby stage. Next is the home daycare. So I get a referral to this woman and I call. During the day. At around 1:00. She's gone. (red flag, but I brush it off since after all it was a doctor appointment and I can understand having to run once in a while to go to the doctor). I call back again, not sure of the time and make an "appointment" to come in at 3:30 on such and such day. Then I'm running early, so I call to let them know I'm coming early, probably around 2 ish. "She's not here..." WHAT? Ok, another red flag. So I call the girl who referred me to her and ask her. ME: "Is she gone every day?" FRIEND: "No, I don't think so. She just had a hysterectomy so she is having a lot of Dr. appointments." ME: "Oh, I see." I brush if off again. Then to make a very long story short, this continues to happen over and over again. Brighton gets his first major illness, the stomach flu, and I freak. So I call her and chew her out. Then I realize I was a big boob and she can't control when kids get sick, so I call back and aplogize profusely. She reassures me that it's OK, and she knows how new moms are. Then I start discovering that they've been giving my child finger foods without telling me (before he started them at home). I let that go. Then they decide when he's on solids that he no longer needs the breastmilk I send for him. I get upset, but I just tell them I'd like him to have milk while he's there. I let it go and assume they're doing what I ask. Either that or what is more likely, just telling me what I want to hear and dumping my precious breast milk down the drain when he won't drink it because they've just fed him a three course meal of solids. Then I find out they've been giving him juice. Which is a huge no no in my house. Not that juice is bad, I just don't want him drinking it while he's still drinking breastmilk. What would you choose? A soda pop or milk? Yeah, you see my point. I tell her I DON'T want him drinking anything but milk or water. Period. I don't give a rat's rear if she is diluting it. Then Bright gets RSV and Rotavirus, but I don't blame even though I have my suspicions because he'd been sick almost every week that he started going there.
Back to the present, Yesterday
I called her house and we had a pleasantly loud conversation where she started out telling me that she doesn't want to do day care for part timers anymore. Then she said she didn't want to do infants anymore. Then she told me that she couldn't count on us because Brighton is always sick, and he must have a weak immune system because anything that is going around he gets. (hmmmmm...) Then she says it's just not worth it for 25.00 a week or 50.00 a week. After I ask her if she's trying to tell me that there is something wrong with my son (at this point, my hackles are up, my claws are out, and I can feel the veins in my neck and head popping out and my heart beating out of my chest in Saturday morning cartoon style.) Eventually, she tells me that she is sick of sanitizing everything (HUH!?) and trying to keep the other children from playing with the same toys. THEN she tells me that I call "ALL THE TIME" and it disrupts their day and that the straw that broke the proverbial camel's back was when I asked the other day care provider (henceforth referred to as DS2) there if she was gone a lot. And that pi$$ed her off. Ok, that's it. I had been being fairly cooperative at this point. I proceeded to attempt (with many interruptions) to tell her that I wanted to know an honest answer as to whether she was gone every day, because EVERY TIME I call, she is gone and the other day care provider is left with all the children. And that makes me uncomfortable. (In your world, what time is lunch time? 11-1? yeah mine too) . She explained that away by telling me that when DS2 lays the kids down for their naps, DS1 is "outta there". OUTTA THERE? WHAT? WHAT THE HELL AM I PAYING HER FOR?!?!?!?!? To leave some one who is "less qualified" (her quote not mine) to take care of how many umpteen kids by herself during LUNCH!? But that's when they were supposed to be napping!
Moving on...
As we continue to talk for the next 45 minutes, we continue to hammer out what we both don't like about one another. She incinuates that my care for my child is going to ruin my marriage, that I am going to run everyone ragged because I care too much about my child's well being, and that I shouldn't call oh, once a week or so (which is what I usually called - except for maybe the first week) to check on my child because it messes them up. AND she says that when Brighton is sick, and because I don't take him, it messes up their "routine". So, am I supposed to bring him when he has 1. the stomach flu (which he got there) 2. RSV which I suspect he got there, and 3. Rotavirus (which I suspect he got there too)? Just so his routine isn't messed up? On top of all of this, I can tell when there's another mom there and her demeanor get's softer. Then I can tell when the other mom leaves because WOW she explodes again. (See what I'm getting at?). Wow, if I would have known just how volitile this woman was, I would NEVER EVER EVER have taken him there.
So now that I've ranted and raged about this, I guess I have some serious thinking to do about just how much I should care about the welfare of my child when in a setting that I'm not familiar with. (that was sarcasm). If nothing else, thanks to my best girlfriend, Jill, and my husband Andrew, I am more confident that this was a GOOD THING to get him out of there and that as parents, Andrew and I have EVERY RIGHT to call or stop in to the daycare where my child is being taken care of. I have EVERY RIGHT to be concerned that he is not getting appropriate attention because one person is being stretched too thin. I have EVERY RIGHT to ask, to insist, that the person or persons that I am paying, even if it is "only 25 - 50.00 a week, to respect my wishes as a parent regarding anything that enters my child's mouth. I have EVERY RIGHT to be concerned when every week that my child is in someone's care that he doesn't get exposed to serious and scary and nasty "bugs" unnecessarily and uncommonly frequently. Period.
Sigh...I'm going to go kiss and snuggle with my sleeping baby and be glad that I get a fresh start.
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